How to Keep in Touch with Friends who Live Far Away

Back in college, my best friends and I were all living in the same apartment building. We’d knock on each other’s doors randomly to borrow things, or just simply show up at someone’s place with a bottle of wine. Then adulthood hits, and everyone moved away, chasing new dreams in new cities. Nowadays, most of my closest college friends are living time zones apart from me - in China, UK, France, Japan, Singapore, and different cities in the U.S.

Do you have friends who are now living across the world from you? How do you keep in touch with them, during a pandemic? Here are some of the things I do to try keeping in touch…

Be active on social media

My best friend from college lives in France now. We don’t always call each other, however we are somehow aware of what’s going on in each other’s lives. We both update our social media regularly, and we catch up through that: pictures of Parisian streets and New York subways, friend gatherings, food we eat. Having a social media account largely reduced the friction to keep our lives up-to-date with our friends, and seeing their pictures make it easier to envision what lives they are leading - especially when they live in another country.

Start conversations, no matter how small they are

Many times, conversations between me and a friend would get started because one of us reacted to an instagram story we posted. These small messages always end up with longer paragraphs about our life updates, or even requests to schedule a video chat. If you are wondering what message to send your friend, perhaps start with what they share on social media. Marvel at the dinner they made, the places they travel to, or laugh at the memes they share. Coordinating regular cross time zone video chats could be a daunting task, and small check-ups here and there could go a long way.

Celebrate important life events together

My first best friend in New York who now resides in London recently traveled to the U.S. to celebrate bachelorette with me and another close friend, who later moved to London as well and now lives in Phily. It was so nice seeing each other again, two years after both of them moved out of New York. We got tons of drinks and delicious meals, strolled down tree-lined streets, and stayed in watching movies. It was wonderful. Meanwhile, another friend whose birthday was a day before mine would send messages when we get a year older - even though we haven’t talked for months and she lives in Japan. We would chat for hours, and then go on living our lives again, not hearing from each other for many months. In a way, important life events are great occasions to re-connect with a friend who you haven’t caught up for a while.

And lastly, make the effort to schedule a video chat

Me and a few of my college friends have a group chat, and once in a while one of us would message to schedule a video chat. We are a group of girls living in the U.S., Europe and Asia, so there are 3 time zones to coordinate. However, we always make the effort to find time - after U.S. friend’s morning run, before Europe friend is getting prepared to do groceries, and around Asia friend’s bed time. These chats are hours long, as we give updates one-by-one, talking about everything and nothing. Ultimately, keeping in touch is about finding time for each other, even though we are living different lives in different countries.

Just like any long-distance relationships, long-distance friendship also takes efforts to maintain. What lessons have you learned about keeping up with friends who live far away? Feel free to share…

To my Asian friends - happy Chinese New Year!